Toddlers, who needs em?

Before you flip out over the title, you should know that I have three kids all of whom I adore and I would do absolutely anything for….so simmer down.  But seriously you guys. Toddlers are jerks.  I forgot that little fact being that it has been seven years since I had one in the house.

Here’s a little run down of today’s incidents so far:

*8:34-toddlerzilla awakes (which is extremely disappointing since she was up after midnight the night before).

*9:00-she is finally ready to interact with me.  Up until now she has been on the couch watching cartoons and responding “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO” to my attempts at changing her diaper, giving her kisses and trying to get her to eat breakfast.  I know she’s ready to interact because she just threw a clean diaper at me and said, “Mamma” with a giggle.  At least she’s happy

*9:15 I serve her a breakfast of scrambled eggs and a banana, both of which she loved as of yesterday. She refuses to eat either and instead finds an animal cookie from yesterday that was lodged in her high chair.  Whatever.

*10:00 she is happily playing with her toys and loving life.  This is my cue that I can now go in to my office and work.  I leave the door open in case she wants to come in an play.  She has toys in every freaking room of the house after all.

*10:30 just as I am getting up some momentum and crossing things off of my long list for today ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!!

She has been throwing tantrums on an off since then.  Why the tantrums you ask?  I have no effing clue because toddlers are like little bi-polar psychopaths.  I dare you to argue. If you tell me your toddler is just the sweetest laid back adorable little thing ever….well, you are a lying liar that lies.

I try to guess what she wants.  Here’s how the conversation in my head goes:

She’s mad because I’m not giving her enough attention. I’ll stop for a minute and play.  Ouch! No need to throw your wooden car at my head, I don’t really want to play anyway.

Are you hungry? An animal cookie is not really breakfast.  Oh, yeah now you like the banana.  Let’s try some eggs.  Nope. Still a no on the eggs.  Let me just clean those up off of the floor.

Ew, what’s that smell? I grab a diaper and wipes and begin to change her diaper.  Changing a toddlers poopy diaper is super fun.  They try to fling themselves all around the room while you try to hold them down and not get any poop on yourself.  Guess who won.

It goes on and on like this. Do you want to know why she is crying in this picture?

RIW_1410Because she wanted to eat a raw potato.  She grabbed the bag from the pantry and said, “Mommy, Mommy, MOMMEEEEE!”. Then she lost her ever loving mind when I told her she wouldn’t like a raw potato.  You know what she’s doing right now?  Sitting on my office floor trying to eat a raw potato.  I don’t even care.

I know this is a photography blog, but starting another blog to publish one post about my toddler is stupid.  Just like living with a toddler is stupid.

Excuse me while I go clean up raw potato chunks laced with toddler saliva from my floor.




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